Monster Energy has responded to the Federal Way teen who claims he found a mouse in his energy drink.

I'll paraphrase.

1. Our fancy assembly line is too fast for a mouse.

(Please stop there.)

2. Plus, yours was a country mouse, which we know all about, and they don't like places like Federal Way, Washington.

(Please stop there.)

3. Anyway, if it HAD crawled in, it would have been so putrefied, the drink so gross-tasting, you never would have gotten past the first sip before you erupted in sick.

Note to Public Information Officers: When you're denying something, don't make too many points.

The FAA is ordering inspections of Boeing 737s after a hole blew open in the cabin of a Southwest Airlines plane. (Emergency landing, no one seriously hurt.) What's this mean for Boeing? We talked live on SMN this morning to the former head of NTSB. He said the bad news is, this hole opened in a different part of the fuselage from cracks we've seen in the past. (We already know a plane's skin gets stressed by all the flexing it does over thousand of flights, as the cabin is pressurized and depressurized.) For now, though, there's no indication of a design flaw or anything else that affects how Boeing makes, sells, or is liable for, its planes.

This story is about a person we all hate: the hypocrite. The televangelist who's privately sinning. The co-worker who pretends to be a team player but is really a throat-cutter. Well, scientists are learning that humans are born to be hypocrites -- we're designed to say one thing and do another.

Why? Well, says evolutionary psychologist Robert Kurzban, your brain is a crowded place. You think you have one mind that you control ... but really, you have a competing collection of rogue minds.

"There are little mechanisms in your head designed to store memories, do vision, monitor your heart rate," says Kurzban. "But there's also a lot evidence now that there are different systems in your head to choose mates, choose friends, become valued in a social group, and so on. Once you think of the mind as a collection of little systems inside it, then those guys can go off and do their own things."

Kurzban has written a book called Why Everyone (Else) Is A Hypocrite. He says hypocrisy gives you an evolutionary advantage. If you can convince your competitors to, for example, be just as monogamous as you are so they don't reproduce - meanwhile, you're actually mating with the whole tribe and having TONS of kids - then you are a reproductive winner.

"You could be better off by stopping people from doing the very things that you are," he says. "In fact, this is why I think we don't like hypocrites. A hypocrite is really someone who's trying to stop other people from doing exactly what they want to do, which is just a form of competition - that's just trying to get an advantage."

So when you say you're law-abiding, but you fudge your taxes, or the speed limit? You tell your partner not to criticize you, but you're full of criticisms of your partner? Congratulations -- you're a competitive human.

I asked Kurzban: Ever since you've been thinking about why hypocrisy is understandable, have you found yourself being more hypocritical? Doing your thing and condemning others, because that's the kind of competitive social animal you are?

He answered: no. "I've tried to go the other way and become more aware of my own behavior, since it's so easy to be inconsistent. One of the things I've tried to do is when I am morally condemning something, I think, 'What's the justification for that?'"

Linda told me this morning about a sad, sad Facebook app called Cloud Girlfriend. Company posing as your mate posts on your wall how dreamy you are. What if their business model is charging you 99 cents for the service … then $1000 to keep your secret? Beware.

Up escalators bring out the best in us. People who've just reached the top are more likely to do good deeds like giving to the Salvation Army. Theory is, we feel good about height: "Moral high ground," "God on high," "looking up to someone." So if you need to borrow someone's phone or sell your kid's Girl Scout Cookies … go to the top of the moving stairs.

Also this morning:

• How do you keep a city safe? Patrol the dangerous spots? Or follow the dangerous people?
• Global warming affecting coffee beans
• WSU coach: We were "literally manhandled."
• Summer movie preview -- "Cowboys and Aliens" sounds weirdly interesting
• And tape of Sarah Palin saying she doesn't know if the Libya fight is a war or "a squirmish." What a great word! It's a conflict that makes you cringe. "Big fight with your wife?" "No … but we did have a squirmish."

The comments section is below. Please sign in and write that loving Palin's new word is anti-Palin.

Two weeks ago, I blogged against Daylight Saving Time. This morning, KIRO's Chris Sullivan told us Snohomish County State Rep Hans Dunshee is on the case.

Here's how it'll go. We drop DST, with a high-profile PR campaign that tells the world we don't chase our local time zone in circles. We're not 9 to 5, we're global, we're high-tech, flexible, fluid. "Washington State: In Real Time."

I know. Genius.

... the other thing that surprised me about Hawaii. Someone had told me that only mainlanders listen to Izzy's "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." Not true, I heard it there mulitple times. Was I listening to KATR, All-Tourist Radio?

Looks like after the two companies merge, the Seahawks' Qwest Field will eventually become CenturyLink Field. That sounds corporate but as KIRO's Alex Silverman pointed out this morning, Fenway of Fenway Park was a realty company. That name is "time-honored."

Besides, we'll call it The Link. Or as someone else pointed out, The Clink. Patriots are coming? Throw 'em in The Clink.

Anyway, I don't care if it's Dick's Field or Babeland Field or Tommy Bahama Field. If the Hawks win a bunch of Super Bowls, the name will be breathtaking. "Staples Center" should be lame. Except the Lakers win.

We've been telling you about that infamous video posted by UCLA student Alexandra Wallace, complaining about loud Asian students in the school library.

People were angry, she got death threats, people called her hateful, called her a dumb blonde.

All I said on the air was, she probably doesn't know any Asian-Americans.

That was enough to offend listener Paul in Kent, who writes:
"Mr. Radke's statement that she doesn't know any Asians is extremely off the mark and stereotypical … Is Mr. Radke saying that all Asians are quiet? Perhaps loud Asians don't exist?"

Happily, Paul, you can chill out. Because I didn't say either of those things.

I didn't know any Asian-Americans when I was a kid. We used to say "Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these," pulling our eyes back to make them slanty. (Do kids still do that?)

Then I grew up. I went to a big, West Coast liberal arts school - UW, in my case - and got to know people who aren't like me. See the world through their eyes. That's what college is for.

Managing to not know any Asian-Americans at UCLA would show an astounding ignorance and lack of curiosity. But hey, you don't know what you don't know until you know it. If I were going to be outraged by ignorance, I would have to quit my job, so I could seethe full time.

My wife's mom was born in China. My in-laws come over to each other's house, open the door and say "Supplies!" (Surprise). The phone rings, they know it's a family member, they'll say, "Herro?"

We can have a sense of humor about our differences. Witness this response video from Seattle native Jimmy Wong.

Some people loved this video because the UCLA student was being deservedly mocked. I think mostly, we were relieved that somebody -- even briefly -- gave us permission to laugh. And chill out.

Three of the current top-selling pop songs contain the f-word. Two of them have it right in the title. Oh, there are cleaned up radio versions of the songs but believe me; your kids know the originals. Should you worry about this debasing our culture?

Nah.

In the first place, of all the words to lose its shock value, the one that refers to the most basic act in the animal kingdom is my top choice.

And besides, the word is barely obscene anymore. Pink's "F'ing Perfect" is about girl power and Cee Lo's "F You" is sass. The song that does refer to sex is the lamest of the three. Enrique Yglesias. Need I say more?

No, the f-word has become more crude than rude. It's like not saying please and thank you, only worse. And the day I shake my fist at these kids with their loud music and their ill manners, congratulate me. Because it will mean I have no actual problems.

Lastly, I've always doubted that Americans are as offended as the media makes us out to be. Most of this morning's listeners bore me out.

"There's nothing wrong with a well-placed f-bomb. … I have worked in the high tech industry and now I'm in the airline industry. Believe it or not, f-bomb are used often when something is not right. Now, if you use it after every other word, then you have problems."

"I am more comfortable w/ our 20 something daughters' (both graduates of the UW & engaged in professional careers) liberal & creative use of the F word than I would be if they were immersed in that time waster : social media."

Discuss.

When you read Gilbert Gottfried's tasteless Japan jokes, you could think:

A. This man takes pleasure in the senseless suffering of humanity? So do serial killers. That sentiment is to be condemned.

B. I'm surprised GG is able to make a living as comedian, since those are not examples of clever joke-writing. Not funny!

C. "Not funny" so misses the point. Not only is he obviously doing the whole poke-in-the-eye-of-decorum thing, he's roasting bad joke-writing. Some people say irreverence is a comedian's noble role, helping us deal with our grief. I think that's over-selling it. But really, since we all know the suffering in Japan is awful, do we need more people solemnly saying that? Pious American comedians don't help victims. In conclusion: Being reminded that correctitude is not obligatory? Well, it's not worth a lot. But it's worth something.

D. Hey, I understand irony, too. It's not like I'm not reading this in USA Today, logging in, and posting my obtuse outrage in ALL CAPS. However ... I disagree that decorum is worthless. It's how we keep society together. Even this tiny bit of incivility diminishes us, makes us treat each another a tiny bit worse. In conclusion: A mediocre comic holding his tongue? It's not worth a lot, but it's worth something. Shut up, Gilbert.

The correct answer is C. But we also would have accepted D.